Gimme the Bloody Roti.. No literally!
October 13, 2006 at 9:05 pm | Posted in Sakhis By Outsiders | 2 CommentsGuru Nanak Dev Jee.. being the great traveller we know he was.. one day visited the nearby village of Saidpur now known as Eminabad, (yes you guessed it..now in Pakistan) And as with every V.I.P, the word of Guru Jee’s arrival spread like wildfire.
So naturally everyone wanted Guru Jee to bless them with his beautiful presence. Including a bad… bad… evil man (Darth Maul style!) called Malik Bhago *scary music*.
Being the chief of the Town, he gained wealth from treating people badly, possessing the usual evil traits villains do; stealing, conning people, charging extra tax, leaving them to starve…the usual badie stuff.
And through these means he had become quite a wealthy man, so yeh he was lovin-it lovin-it lovin-it.. lovin-it liek That.. ahem
On hearing about Guru Jee’s arrival Mr Malik took it on himself (well his servants) to prepare his house ready for Guru Jee to stay with him, as obviously leading such an honest life, and caring for the welfare of others this would have to be Guru Jee’s obvious *COUGH* first choice *COUGH* (sarcasm for all those slow kids out there)
On reaching Saidpur Guru Nanak Dev Jee knocked at the door of the poor carpenter Bhai Lalo Jee, where Guru Jee happily stayed being provided with simple food made with love from money gained from an honest living. You see.. No excess cholestral in his roti (Unlike walkers crisps in the 1980′s)
On hearing Guru Jee was staying with Bhai Lalo, Malik Bhago was slightly confused, his thoughts being along the lines of “what the chutney?!”…or similar words to that effect.
So he decided to hold a big gathering to which he invited all the “holy men” for a feast. (wait.. if they are “holy men” surely they won’t be running after high-cholestral foods!)
Anyway back to the real Holy Kool Dude, Guru Nanak Dev Sahib jee refused, being all knowing and wise..
This angered Malik Bhago *ARGH! Scary Music again* who sent guards to forcefully escort Guru Jee to his house. But Guru Jee decided to go anyway without needing the “force” from the “all powerful” Mailk Bhago.
- It’s not a typo.. i DID type Mailk.. i mean who needs royal mail service when you got Bhago’s guards?
On reaching Malik Bhago’s house, Malik shouted:” how dare JUUU!? Why did JUU refuse to come to my such finely prepared feast?”(..I forcefully worked my servants half to death to have such dishes prepared for you!!)
“but you’d rather eat dry bread at that Poor carpenters house! Vy?!”
(quite self explanatory really..)
Guru Nanak Dev Jee replied in his usual pure calm coolness: “How can I eat from you? It wasn’t made by honest hardwork, but from money stolen from the poor by unfair means Get me! Whereas my beloved Lalo makes food from love using hard-earned money!”
This angered our beloved friend Malik Bhago even more this time thinking more harshly along the lines of “what the hell?!” (:0 sorry kidies!)
and urged Guru Jee to “Prove it!”
And Guru Nanak Dev Jee’s like, o come on man you can give me a better challenge that! lol
So he took a dry rotti he has with him from Bhai Lalo Jee and a full fat cholesterol infused samosa-like parontha (EWWW) from Malik Bhago’s feast and squeezed them both.
From Bhai Lalo Jee’s rotti poured out milk (mm yummy) and from Malik Bhago’s.. BLOOOD! (ew yucky yuckyuck!)
Malik Bhago felt ashamed on seeing this, and thought “hmm well atleast my servants followed the instructions.. they really seem to put their sweat and blood into it”
He fell at Guru Sahib’s feet and changed his ways following the way of Guru Nanak Dev Sahib Jee – And became a normal Kool Dude..
- By Khanda Kaur (She’s gangstaaaaaa bigup yooooooooo)
Remember, you can only chill when you let Others chill.
Chill and Let Chill.
Just AAsk
October 12, 2006 at 5:45 pm | Posted in PhraseOfTheDay | Leave a commentIf at first you don’t succeed..
..give up and ask Guru Ji!
Priceless
October 3, 2006 at 2:56 pm | Posted in PhraseOfTheDay | Leave a commentPretending to be a Singh by wearing 5 Ks
.. 100 rupees
Wearing a Baana to impress the Singhs
.. 300 rupees
Massive Fake Dumalla to show off at Smagams
.. 500 rupees
Finding out it means sod all while Being beaten the crap out of by Jamdoots for being a wannabe..
.. Priceless.
Anyone for Minced Mardana?
October 3, 2006 at 2:31 pm | Posted in Sakhis! | Leave a commentGuru Nanak and Bhai Mardana travelled many many miles in the wilderness of Assam. Again, Mardana was hungry. So they sat under a random tree while Mardana went to get some munch.
On the way, he suddenly caught the sight of Kauda, the Cannibal!
SHOCK! HORROR! NAHIII!!!!!
It was as if Red Riding Hood’s Granny was about to become the wolf’s lunchbreak. But then again, she DID seem a bit out of date..
Mardana: “What Nice teeth you have kauda”
Kauda: “All the better to EAT you with!!”
ahem.. anywhoo
Before Mardana could move an inch, Kauda grabbed him and tied his hands and legs with rope. Then he carried Mardana to the spot where he had a big pan full of oil (ofcourse Mr Kauda always used Sunflower Oil.. GM Free!!) where he would fry his beautiful human-food.
mm.. Meeeraaasseee pudding..
As Kauda tried to light his state-of-the-art gas cooker (ie: Fire) Mardana was shivering from fear and praying to Guru Ji.
“MENU BACHAOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooo!!!!”
Guru Ji, being Superman, Batman, Bananaman (Yes he IS good!), Popeye the Sailor man and all the other super duper heroes in 1.. and ONTOP of being as good as the… MI6 Intelligence Service *looks side2side cautiously*,..well he knew about this, and so came to his rescue.
So.. Kauda bechara was stil trying to work his state-of-the-art gas cooker (meaning he tried to light the fire) when he noticed Guru Ji arriving. He was astonished at the sight - a main course meal is walking to him! A delicious one as well
(No comment can be made on how “tasty” Guru ji really was, but it makes sense 2 assume he was very tasty lol).
mMm, thought the cannibal, Its as if red Riding hood herself is coming to the wolf.. Ha! Red Riding Hood is nothing but a snack.. but this is a whole dish in itself!
Without delay, He quickly captured Guru Nanak Dev Ji.
This time, the state-of-the-a… O whatever you get the point, the fire was lit ok?! The oil (GM Free!) was boiling within minutes. Seeing this, Guru Nanak Dev Ji said “Yo Mr. Thingy bob.. can you fry my first?”
Kauda was in disbelief! But after all, you meant to have the main course before your pudding, even if its Minced Meeeraaaasee! Taking advantage of this, Kauda picked him up and put him onto the pan.
As his feet touched the hot oil, it became cold as ice (Yoooo thats how Kool he was man.. beat that!).
Kauda was lyk WOAHHH next level! He realised that Guru Ji was no ordinary mateys (like Sunny Deol lol) but more like Superman/batman etc etc in one!
Guru Ji said in his coolness “My Dear Kauda.. you have to see what you do.. it isnt right eating humans
(Guru Ji didn’t need to study at the Puraatan school of medicine .. he knows all init)
Kauda got the message and begged for forgiveness.
He turned from a human-eating monster *ARGH*
..into a gangstaa *sigh of relief*
So.. for all those who want to eat Guru Ji.. well good luck! lol
Mr Yogi’s Business
October 1, 2006 at 1:28 pm | Posted in Sakhis! | Leave a commentGuru Angad Dev Ji went to Khadoor. People living there heard about this (yes some things DO spread as fast as chugaliya). After visiting and listening to Guru Ji, the people got into the vibe and went to chill with him. This town had a famous Yogi in it, who was a bit of an attention seeker. Plus, he was making a good busines out of it as well. £20 per hour 2 see him sit in various places with eyes closed ..hmm i think i just got inspired for my career choice..*snaps out of it*
Anyways, When people left him and started to hang out with Guru Ji, the Yogi’s business went bankrupt. In desperate attempts to revive his beloved business he tried lil tricks (card tricks, coin tricks, you name it)but none of it impressed the people, who now had found out how kool it is 2 chill with the ONE. So, now the yogi is jealous of the Guru.
After thinking of plans on how to try make Guru ji look unkool (trust me its hard lol) he noticed that it hasnt rained for some time. This had caused the ground of the village to dry up, resulting in no crops. This seemed like the perfect opportunity for the Yogi to get some chugaliya going..
The Yogi blamed the Guru’s presence for this lack of rain and said that if this matey leaves then he vill bring rain Back. Ofcourse, People being pindus (well they did live in the Pind) believed him and goes ”vee need vater! ” Guru ji was like “ok then” - he knew about the plan of yogi (No he ent a part of the.. ”intelligence service” *looks side2side cautiously* he just knows it all.. who needs intelligence service when you got Guru ji!) and so he moved to a different village.
After Guru ji left, the pindus went to the yogi and asked him to bring rain back, now that the Guru has gone. The Yogi got excited hearing this.. he was like ”o teri! i’ll be the first ever villian2win! MUAHAHAHAHA!” lol 8-)Anyways.. so he thought he was going to get loadsa gifts (Ferraris, tickets to around the world trip, etc.. HAHA you wish. How can pindus get you dat eh?!).
He kept promising them for rain but people grew impatient. After coupla days (wow pindus are slow!) the people challenged the yogi.
“If you dont bring rain we gna beat u up!”
Ofcourse, rain depends on water cycle and God etc huna.. and Yogi daint have a clue (after all Yogi didnt exactly do a biological degree in the Uni of Puraatan-ness)
OUCH.
You may have guessed what happened next. The yogi got beaten to death.. And the funny thing is, the day after he died, clouds appeared, big black ones, and it started to rain! Moral: Even God is a kool dude lol
Stop all your envying, and your pakhand wannabe tricks. End of day, the Chillin Gangstas will Rule! ..o yeah, and Villians never win
To all positive commentors:
Don't worry I haven't forgotten - A payment of £5 per sentence will be made to each of your bank accounts asap :)
Blog at WordPress.com. | Theme: Pool by Borja Fernandez.
Entries and comments feeds.
